I want to be just like You

There was a rad song that was called just that. Take a listen if you please. Don`t be surprised if a few tears fall though.

Lately I have been thinking of the people that I have been inspired by. Some of them are in my family. Some of them are friends that I haven`t seen since my wedding day. Some of them are friends that I haven`t seen for much longer than that. And some are people I`ve never met.


This is one of the things that inspire me.
Generosity.
I have modeled my giving around different examples in my life. When I was a little girl, I clearly remember getting a loonie for my allowance and being STRONGLY advised/forced to give a dime to Jesus on Sunday. Some may think....that is cruel to instill TITHING to a little girl...it should come from the heart...but believe me, now it does. I love giving to Jesus. I don't do it as faithfully as I should but I love doing it. I love finding people and opportunities that God puts on my heart to give to. I love being around my generous friends and seeing the gaps and holes in my own selfishness that I need to grow towards selflessness in. I am the most easily influenced person, so it is with great joy that I have friends/family that model the traits I so want to show. I have people that have sent packages filled with thoughtful things for me out of the blue, I have people who have provided meals for me (especially when Malachi was born, I'll never EVER forget how kind people were to us), I remember when I was raising support for missions trips I got generous donations anonymously and privately from people I love who didn't want glory but just wanted to help out, I remember getting letters in the mail when I was at Bible college filled with ten dollars, twenty dollars and one time FIFTY dollars or more. It feels good when someone buys you a coffee or drops off flowers for no reason. It touches peoples lives to give to missions, missionaries, and support those in need. It changes you to be kind and generous. This is a trait I long for and pray Malachi will find joy in giving to others. I was reading this article today, and it was probably what prompted me to write this in hind sight...but it is so easy to give (for me) and much harder to receive...I love the rush and feeling that you have blessed someone and now I can see those things are important for me to receive....just like the author says:

"I didn’t want him to think I needed anything in return. Then I realized he wanted to experience what I was experiencing. He wanted to see me smile and receive in gratitude. He wanted to give.

By giving, I made him smile, and by receiving I gave him dignity that lifted both of our spirits."

What a perfect way of spreading love, by watching and learning from others and passing on the blessing. It sure has worked for me. 

I'm so grateful that God has drawn me towards beautiful people with all sorts of traits that I admire. I am married to a man who is so different than I am but I am drawn to so many things in him that I want to be like. It is a big responsibility to model and live an example for our little boy. If I model impatience, anger, bitterness and resentment...why wouldn't he model that in his friendships and interactions. I pray that he will see the Lord despite my failings and learn from a young age that the Holy Spirit brings fruit of 

Love

Joy

Peace

Patience

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self Control

And this brings me to my conclusion, 

I want to be like that. Thank you Holy Spirit. 

6 months old

Well, my baby  boy is 6 months old today.
Currently: Sleeping on his belly with his bum in the air, like a cuty

I thought yesterday was the 26th so I posted this pic a little early on insta:

Wow. I can't believe 6 months ago at this time I was getting ready for the most uncomfortable yet BEST day of my life. I was not prepared for this at all, yet as soon as I saw this little face I knew that I was ready to be a Mama. Every day is a little the same and a little different, because he is changing and growing. 

When he was younger, I could put him back to bed almost as soon as he woke up in the early mornings...but now we wake up when Danny gets up so Malachi can get a little time staring and smiling at his Daddy before he goes to work. He is seriously ALL EYES for Danny. 

When he was younger, I hated and dreaded the 3 hour mark, knowing I needed to feed him, but pumping myself with pain killers to get through the torture...but now he eats for a few minutes and it doesn't hurt me at all. He is also learning to eat real food like:

When he was younger, he rotated between hanging out in his rocker and play mat on his back...but now he plays on his tummy, in his exersaucer, in the hammock, on our bed, on the floor, on the couch!!

When he was younger, he cried quite a bit before each nap...but now he rolls around in his crib, talks VERY loudly, sucks his thumb and eventually rolls on his side or belly and has GREAT naps at least 2 or 3 times a day (once 4!!!).

When he was younger, he could fall asleep on our shoulders watching loud movies...but  now he LOVES sneaking glances at the TV, we try to not let him watch but he is mesmerized when he gets to.

When he was younger, he would have so many naps and wake up so consistently ever 3 hours that we spent alot more time with him in the evening...but now he goes to bed for the night at around 6 or 7 and some days sleeps right through...if he DOES get up its only once or twice now and he is so great to go right back to sleep (or talk contentedly to himself till he drifts off).

When he was younger, I always felt like I had such a narrow window to do anything...but now I feel like he adapts so well to going out and about...to church...to get groceries...on play dates...he loves looking around at new things, and when I get him back home cuddled in his bed sometimes it takes him forever to fall asleep but other times he just goes right to sleep....but no more PANICKY screams and inconsolable tears...he does such a great job at being patient until the 2 seconds right before he gets to eat...thats when the panic sets in.

I still feel excited every time I walk in his room to see him after he sleeps. He always smiles and does so many adorable things in his crib. I love looking down at him and knowing he knows me. I love hanging out with him all day, but my very favorite time of the day is when Danny walks in and we get to love Malachi together.

I am so so so THANKFUL for this little darlin and look forward to going in very soon to see his smiley face.

The Best Part of Me

Two fun, exciting, emotional, wonderful, cozy, special and AMAZING years of being married together.

We have been together for 4 whole years. WOW. I just never knew this could happen to me! It still amazes me that I am actually in LOVE...and now when I hold my baby---that our LOVE made Malachi. Unbelievable. 

I won't go on and on about how much I love Danny...because then it would be no different than any other day! Lol. But I do love remembering the day we said YES. The day we said I DO. The day we told our family and friends that we are sticking together through better and worse. We stood outside with the lovely sun shining on us and the ocean breeze flowing through the rows of people we love. We decided to love and commit and CHOOSE each other and I'll never forget that day. 

Dan is not a perfect guy, but he is the perfect husband for me. 

He has softened some of my rough, jagged edges. He has spoken truth to me, like no other person ever has or will. He knows me so well. He can explain things about me that I never even knew existed. He actually thinks I`m a babe. He loves me so much and gives me so much joy that I can hardly contain it sometimes. He really truly is the best part about me. And looking down at sweet Malachi`s face, reminds me of what a treasure it is to hold a piece of both of us. Malachi`s face and who he is and will become----started because two people fell in love. 

So today, I`m just walking around in la-la land...waiting for my bestie to walk through the door, so the best part of my day can happen. HOME.

Thoughts on Parenting, from a Newb

I haven't overloaded on researching on parenting as much as one may assume I would, or should. I have a stack of parenting books though, does that count? I read a broad range of blogs, and recently I have been inspired by a few of the parenting ones  I have found. So, mostly for my own sake, I want to write a few thoughts on the ones that I've liked.

First, Slow Parenting. 

In my experience as a teacher, nanny, babysitter, aunt, and Sunday School teacher, etc...I can say I am guilty of "rushing". There just never is enough time, and honestly, little kids are slow. They are never as fast as adults in walking, eating, coloring, running, etc... So this article spoke to me. I even teared up at a few spots. My favorite lines were: 

“We don’t overschedule ourselves. My husband and I spend lots of time at home. My kids dig in the dirt and ride bikes, we blow bubbles and go to the beach,” says [Lindsay Miller, a mother of three boys, ages 2, 4, and 7]…

• I so badly want this to be how Malachi grows up. I think it will be very hard not to want to enroll him in every activity because honestly, I know it will be fun. I think it will be wonderful to watch him play sports, listen to him play music, let him explore art, and whatever else kids enjoy these days. But this is my lens, I love being home. The best part of my day is being home with Danny and Malachi. Danny recently reminded me that sometimes quality time will look like cheering on Malachi (or even now, cheering on Danny!!) from the sidelines. It will be important to show up---to be there for him. But I do love thinking about playing here at home. To appreciate our yard, our neighbourhood, and even our little home! I love being in Malachi's room with him and he is enthralled with looking around it!

Second, Empowering Children,

I found even more great articles in her links, but I will talk about this article. I've talked about this alot with Danny and Kristi recently. I want Malachi to know and earn and deserve our trust. This article was geared more for teenagers, but it can start so young. I want Malachi to trust himself and be confident in himself. So many of my prayers for him already are to be a good friend and to stand up for good things. 

My favorite lines were:

 "We could make a few bad decisions with our independence because their reasoning was that it was better to fail while they were there to help pick up the pieces than to send us out into the world for the first shot at failure.

Those years at home are practice for an independent life after home."

• Danny has already taught me this so many times in the way I parent and work with kids. The first time he reminded me of this, we were babysitting Levi and Jonah, and Levi was just a little fella but he really wanted to help carry the Lego up the stairs...I stepped in when I saw him struggling and took the box away from him and carried it the rest of the way for him. Later Danny brought it up and gently told me that Levi was doing fine and he hadn't asked for help, and that Danny was there behind him if he did need it. That never left me and reminds me that so many things we do as adults really shape the way children view themselves. And coming from an insecure gal, I want to do my best to raise kids that are strong and confident and trust themselves...and when they fail to know that we are behind them to "pick up the pieces". 

Last, another Sarah Bessey goodie: Guard Your Gates

So, scary things are going to be part of Malachi's life. This fact causes me to have anxiety already. I have had prayer sessions already calling out and pleading to God to guard him from harm, sickness, abuse, etc... I don't want even one bad thing to happen to him. I don't want him to be scared or lonely or worried. Ugh. This is the part of parenting that causes so much fear for me, and without God's peace---I can't imagine how I would ever handle it. I am so thankful for the reminder of building strong children and knowing that God is in control. When...unfortunately, not IF---When bad things happen to Malachi, I pray that he will find rest and strength in Jesus. I already sing to him `God is so Good`

because quite frankly, this world is NOT good. 

My favorite lines were:

"You need to guard your gates, baby. If you guard your gates, then nothing will come into your mind and heart that you don’t want in there.

You want to open your gate up to the good things, sweetheart. You open your heart and your mind up to the things that make you laugh or make you good or make you think."

After reading this article, I really loved the phrase she mentioned in the first part and made a little visual out of it for a reminder for me to teach this in my home too.

My little Sunbeam

Pure Joy. 

This morning I was half asleep and heard a little voice in the next room....cooing, talking and just rolling around in his bed. I love that he doesn't wake up crying and grumpy...almost every morning when I walk in he has this HUGE grin when he sees me. He instantly rolls around and is silly and funny. I love waking him up. He makes me laugh so much during the day. He really is quite funny. My day starts with joy. We wake up Daddy and follow him around in the morning so Malachi can get a little time with him. Recently, I take Malachi and my coffee back to my bed and we just chill there...unless Malachi is tuckered out from his early morning workout sesh in his crib and he will settle back for a nap. I check on him every few minutes because I find him so adorable. He lies on his belly and sometimes changes positions within seconds. Its so funny to me where he ends up. When he wakes up, he usually has more smiles and we get ready for the day! He is so easy to take care of. I let him roll around on his mat or jump in his exersaucer. If I take him in town, he is usually so mesmerized with his surroundings that I don`t hardly hear a peep out of him. I took him grocery shopping and he was amazed! In the car he sometimes talks but usually on the way home he cuddles to the side and is asleep by the time I pull in the driveway. I don`t really like letting him sleep in car seat, but he doesn`t seem to mind it. I know he gets longer naps in his crib, but I usually don`t disturb him. I love taking him in his stroller to the Post Office. He gets lots of attention from all my post-lady friends! He loves looking at the trees and can usually fall asleep in his stroller too...especially if I close it up. If its open..there is WAY too much for him to see to fall asleep. We live by his cousins so he gets to play with Levi on some days and Matthew and William on others! He already had playdates with his little friends Turner, Noah and Jeremiah...but not too much ``playing`` happened yet. The afternoon is pretty peaceful here. We play for a bit and then he usually has his last nap of the day...we try to time it so he`s awake when Daddy gets home from work. He squeals, coos and BEAMS when he sees his Daddy. His little legs are pumpin and his arms are flailing, and basically Danny is just as excited! Pretty sweet. We have supper and then basically just stare and play with Malachi. Danny loves teaching him new tricks...and I wouldn`t be surprised if he starts scooting or crawling soon! Danny usually tucks him in for the night and I don`t want to jinx it but Malachi usually wakes up 1 or 2 times from when we put him down until he wakes up in the morning in between 6 and 7. 

Mother's Day Walk in North Rustico, 2015. 

I can hardly believe this little darlin is all mine. I love spending my days with him. I honestly find him to be a complete joy. He is so precious and my prayers surround him as I watch him growing and changing each day. There can be a hole of fear or worry about his future...sometimes I can't stop picturing all the things that "could" happen to him...but I try to stop and surrender that to Jesus. I pray that Malachi finds Jesus at a young age. Danny and I were talking about our hopes for Malachi...because at this point we don't know what he will be like in personality or how he will develop as a little boy...but I pray for him to know and love Jesus, to be a good friend, to stand up for the good and the right, to be a defender of the weak and to continue to be a happy, healthy joy to everyone he meets and knows. 

Sunshine for days!

Well my little darlin is fast asleep! He's been coughing and pretty nasal-y lately, but it hasn't hindered his mood! He's the happiest little guy! I wish I could bottle up all his screeches, coos and talking! I've been trying to record them, but really, it's nothing like the live show! I love that guy!

He is 19 weeks old today! Wowza! I can hardly believe its been that long, and as much as I can remember that early newborn stage...it even feels like so long ago. I held a darlin little newborn the other day and another baby who was a little over a month and I couldn't believe the difference! They are so fragile and tiny! I am so glad Malachi is growing into his long body.

(First walk in the full on sunshine, no blankets...and a few seconds later no SOCKS!)

Besides loving being a Mom, I am thrilled that the long, snowy winter is over. I'll never forget this winter. It was definitely the BEST of my life! So many cozy days together, so, so SO much snow though! It just this week finally completely melted. I surprised Danny with having our deck all set up for the summer when he got home so him and Malachi could get a little snuggle in!
From this 2 weeks ago:

To this 2 days ago:

We are blessed to have these two special (Grand) Mothers who love Malachi (and us too)

 and the more I realize how true the quote is---

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” 

― Elizabeth Stone

My reflections on being a Mom change almost every day. I sometimes can't help tears from falling when its difficult to express just how much I love my boy. I have enjoyed every single day with him. I find it hard to talk about Mother's Day because for some its a day of reminder that they are waiting for many different things. I am excited though to celebrate my first one. Mostly I can't wait to go for a drive and grab a Starbucks and be with my two fave people! The role of Mama is one that I honestly wasn't anticipating as much as I was anticipating being a Wife...but my life will never, EVER be the same without these two guys who gave me both roles. So happy Mother's Day to all who celebrate their own Moms, may it be filled with love and comfort to all.

My prayer of thanks for the heritage both Danny and I have and for what Malachi has.

Psalm 71:5-6

O Lord, You alone are my hope. I've trusted You, O Lord, from childhood.

Yes, You have been with me from birth;

from my mother`s womb You have cared for me. 

Mom Life

Last year at this time, I found out I was going to be a Mom. The whole pregnancy, I was terrified about actual labour and delivery...the pain, the fear, the unknown. But even more so, I was terrified of being a Mom. That I would take this little soul home with me. What if I tripped and fell? What if I got depressed and lonely all day long home with just a baby? What if I just didn't know what to do? What if I was so exhausted that I started to drift away from Danny? What if I lost my cool...What if I just did something wrong?

(and those are the edited fears I am sharing)

Anyways, I'll never forget that moment that I saw Malachi for the first time. The first words out of my mouth were "I'm not scared any more. I'm ready to be a Mom".

Yup. I was unbelievably thankful, grateful and EXCITED beyond measure that my baby was healthy and had all his toes and fingers. I was so happy that the pain and torture was over and finally I could hold my baby (after waiting 2 long hours in recovery). I was just thrilled and happy. I couldn't sleep that night. 

And from that first moment...I knew my greatest joy in life (besides being  a wife) was to be this little guy's Mama.

Now, I was sharing to another new mom the other day...there is a whole new set of fears that come into play and I pray to God all the time for my little guy to be protected from harm, to be healthy and happy and to love Jesus. I want him to have the greatest life possible. and that unknown part is so hard to really surrender to Jesus. 

I was given an amazing book by my sweet friend Jamie!! (Power of a Praying Parent) and have already been blessed when I got married by another book from her (Power of a Praying Wife)...but the section I read the other day was all about "releasing your children to God" and had this wonderful verse as a support---1 Samuel 1: 27-28 "I asked the Lord to give me this child and He has given me my request. Now I am giving him to the Lord and He will belong to the Lord his whole life" and they worshiped the Lord there"---and I immediately went to my Bible to underline it and copied it out into the journal I'm writing for Malachi. I know this will be something I do over and over because I am already a very protective Mama bear. I want to be in control and make sure nothing bad happens to him or Danny and I to ensure that his life is the best he can possibly have. But in a letter I got from one of my best girls, Britt, she also reiterated for me to remember that Malachi belonged to God and that was something I would need to remember as I raise him...to constantly give him to Jesus. He belongs to a KING! and whatever may come, I know that God's will is far beyond anything I could create for him.  

All that to say, I am learning so much each day about sleep (Side note: Since that post about sleep, I've enjoyed many nights with long stretches and my baby is doing great in that department. I shouldn't have EVER doubted him!!!). I am learning about managing my life and also giving myself grace to not be super ambitious these days! I am learning about how my child is just changing minute by minute in front of my eyes! He's learned how to roll over, reach for toys, shake rattles, move blankets from his face, smile, laugh, play on his back, lift his head up high when he's on his tummy. He eats like a champ, sleeps like a little baby bear and is the sweetest cutest guy I ever met. 

And my Mama fears are still raging, yet I am learning more and more of how the Father loves. And how unique this relationship is and how blessed I am to experience it. I love this little boy so much that even right now I want to go wake him up for a snuggle (but I'll get one soon, so I'll wait!!).