Mom Life

Last year at this time, I found out I was going to be a Mom. The whole pregnancy, I was terrified about actual labour and delivery...the pain, the fear, the unknown. But even more so, I was terrified of being a Mom. That I would take this little soul home with me. What if I tripped and fell? What if I got depressed and lonely all day long home with just a baby? What if I just didn't know what to do? What if I was so exhausted that I started to drift away from Danny? What if I lost my cool...What if I just did something wrong?

(and those are the edited fears I am sharing)

Anyways, I'll never forget that moment that I saw Malachi for the first time. The first words out of my mouth were "I'm not scared any more. I'm ready to be a Mom".

Yup. I was unbelievably thankful, grateful and EXCITED beyond measure that my baby was healthy and had all his toes and fingers. I was so happy that the pain and torture was over and finally I could hold my baby (after waiting 2 long hours in recovery). I was just thrilled and happy. I couldn't sleep that night. 

And from that first moment...I knew my greatest joy in life (besides being  a wife) was to be this little guy's Mama.

Now, I was sharing to another new mom the other day...there is a whole new set of fears that come into play and I pray to God all the time for my little guy to be protected from harm, to be healthy and happy and to love Jesus. I want him to have the greatest life possible. and that unknown part is so hard to really surrender to Jesus. 

I was given an amazing book by my sweet friend Jamie!! (Power of a Praying Parent) and have already been blessed when I got married by another book from her (Power of a Praying Wife)...but the section I read the other day was all about "releasing your children to God" and had this wonderful verse as a support---1 Samuel 1: 27-28 "I asked the Lord to give me this child and He has given me my request. Now I am giving him to the Lord and He will belong to the Lord his whole life" and they worshiped the Lord there"---and I immediately went to my Bible to underline it and copied it out into the journal I'm writing for Malachi. I know this will be something I do over and over because I am already a very protective Mama bear. I want to be in control and make sure nothing bad happens to him or Danny and I to ensure that his life is the best he can possibly have. But in a letter I got from one of my best girls, Britt, she also reiterated for me to remember that Malachi belonged to God and that was something I would need to remember as I raise him...to constantly give him to Jesus. He belongs to a KING! and whatever may come, I know that God's will is far beyond anything I could create for him.  

All that to say, I am learning so much each day about sleep (Side note: Since that post about sleep, I've enjoyed many nights with long stretches and my baby is doing great in that department. I shouldn't have EVER doubted him!!!). I am learning about managing my life and also giving myself grace to not be super ambitious these days! I am learning about how my child is just changing minute by minute in front of my eyes! He's learned how to roll over, reach for toys, shake rattles, move blankets from his face, smile, laugh, play on his back, lift his head up high when he's on his tummy. He eats like a champ, sleeps like a little baby bear and is the sweetest cutest guy I ever met. 

And my Mama fears are still raging, yet I am learning more and more of how the Father loves. And how unique this relationship is and how blessed I am to experience it. I love this little boy so much that even right now I want to go wake him up for a snuggle (but I'll get one soon, so I'll wait!!). 

A Blessed Broken Hand

So...I have been enjoying a little slice of heaven lately. It all started a few weeks ago when Dan started his last Block 4 of Plumbing (Feb 23). He started being around a little more and amidst storm days, Malachi was getting alot of *Bonus* time with his Daddy. We have had such a snowy winter and a few school days got cancelled for Danny. He actually would read his plumbing manuals to Malachi, who was a captive audience. We got used to having him home and were so proud of him for finishing at the top of his class for his Block 4 and a week later passing his RED SEAL!!! Wow!!!

But before all that could happen, he woke me up one Thursday night and told me he though he may have broken his hand (March 12). So he had 3 more weeks of school and passed his Red Seal on April 2nd.

So....he's off work for at least until May 1st...and that means Malachi and I get a surprise WHOLE MONTH with Danny!

We are so thankful and blessed and truly thankful for this quiet, cozy month together. Malachi is so bonded to Danny. He looks for him and calms right down in his arms. We have spent so much of his first few months just looking at him, taking tons of pics and vids, and generally just being enthralled with this little love bug that is all ours!

I'll never, EVER forget these 4 months together. We have been surrounded with Love inside and outside of our home. We have had 3 baby showers. We have had tons of food and visits from ALL kinds of people who love us. We have enjoyed snowy days inside and spring days outside for walks. We have stayed home from church and been so proud of Malachi for being quiet for a whole service!! We have gone shopping together and I have also left Malachi home so I can scoot in for a little shopping fix by myself! We have enjoyed quiet meals while Malachi sleeps and also just sat down with a plate of food only to hear him cry desperately for us to come and get him!

(this is us celebrating the Red Seal with a Burger Love)

Man, this life is so much better than I knew. We have had a tough few months outside this little haven and I truly know that little Malachi has brought joy to our family in some of the saddest moments we've ever had as a family...
But I am so thankful for the gift of one month together as a family of three. We are loving it!

Celebrating My Jesus

Easter Weekend is coming. How do I know for sure? Well, I've had email conversations trying to figure out both sides of our family's free times for meals, suggestions about Easter Egg hunts and looking forward to a long weekend with Danny home with us. But beyond that, why is Easter special? I don't participate usually in the Good Friday service or early morning sunrise on Easter morning. I love my Jesus. I am not the most faithful in reading the portions of Scripture surrounding this special story, but I do love to do that. I love my Jesus. I used to look forward to the once a year Cadbury eggs and Mini Eggs that were only available during this season (but thankfully are available year round now :) I love my Jesus.

Why do I keep saying "I love my Jesus"....????

Well, recently in conversations there has been a concern of how to truly experience Jesus in authentic ways that are TRUE and RIGHT and GOOD. I really don't like bashing a certain background or church division or denomination. I love seeing people who are acknowledging Jesus in their lives. I don't even like the pressure people put on church attendance, as if that is the only place to learn about God. It makes me cringe when people are so tough on big names in our Christian community for being "too new age" or ---for goodness sake---a CATHOLIC...their messages really rub people the wrong way, for some reason. Don`t get me wrong,

JESUS' BLOOD AND RIGHTEOUSNESS AND DEATH AND RESURRECTION 

are my foundations, my beliefs and my heart. But it does bother me when people who are ``Christians, and my brothers and sisters in Christ" are hard edged, judgmental and cold not only to the "world" but to each other.

The point of all of this is MY JESUS is the closest entity in my life. I don't just think of Him on holidays or Sundays or during small group, HE is in my heart and mind always. And as much as I love Danny and Malachi, I don't pray to them. I don't cry out to them for all my hurts and pains and sorrows. I don't pray to them for thankfulness that I am alive and that I have been given THEM as gifts. My Jesus is the source of all that is beautiful and good in LIFE. So the messages of Love come from HIM, despite the messenger.  And when I hear those who claim to be God's People deliver messages of judgment and shame, then I don't believe its from God. I don't want to hear what they say when its tinged with hate and fear and coldness.

So this weekend, and right now in this moment, I praise the Lord for the beauty of Easter. I celebrate here in my kitchen. I listen to worship music. I pray with Malachi and Danny. I look outside and see beauty in the snow and in the kindness of my neighbours blowing out the snow in my driveway. I think of Mary looking at her Son on the Cross and think of the sorrow that would cause any Mama. I think of those dear women who did not abandon Jesus. They stayed. They worshiped. They grieved. They rejoiced. They loved Him and SAW Him again. They got to be in the center of the story.

My Jesus is sitting at the right hand of HIS FATHER. HE is ALIVE. PRAISE HIM! Its a story that I don't want to forget or brush over. I want to celebrate My Jesus and think of HIM amidst the busyness or even the laziness of this weekend.

So I will leave with this beautiful hymn:

 My Jesus, I love thee, I know thou art mine;
for thee all the follies of sin I resign;
my gracious Redeemer, my Savior art thou;
if ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

2 I love thee because thou hast first loved me
and purchased my pardon on Calvary's tree;
I love thee for wearing the thorns on thy brow;
if ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

3 I'll love thee in life, I will love thee in death,
and praise thee as long as thou lendest me breath,
and say when the deathdew lies cold on my brow:
If ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

4 In mansions of glory and endless delight,
I'll ever adore thee in heaven so bright;
I'll sing with the glittering crown on my brow:
If ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.