Timing

You ever just feel like your timing is off?  

As a sub teacher, I have realized that Timing is EVERYTHING! I have to be in the right place at the right time, or I just simply won't get work. There haven't been too many instances that this has really badly hurt me...but one time I was taking a shower, I came back to a missed call (aka...missed work) or sometimes I am booked for a half day and miss out on a full day of work (which happened this morning)...I can't just focus on the negative because there have been MANY opportunities I have had because of timing---I just "happened" to walk into a classroom that the teacher was frantically looking for a sub....or I just happened to be sitting in the staff room at lunch and the principal walks in and has an encouraging chat with me!

Those are all good! They are all part of life.

I just have had such a miserable last few weeks...and Dan keeps reminding me not to DWELL on the negative...he wants me to try to quickly move on when something disappointing happens and this is definitely NOT a skill I possess (yet). I still don't really know how to balance my personality with Dan's sometimes, but I can clearly see that God has brought us together for a reason because once we figure it out (which we usually do in the end) we do fit together like two perfect puzzle pieces!!! Sometimes we have to try a lot of different angles and take a lot of time and discussion to get there but we do balance each other and need each other for perspective.

I just feel so frustrated sometimes when I don't see the WHOLE picture...

I was listening to my fave speaker (Tim Keller---link to free sermons here) and he was reminding me that circumstances can often cause individuals to feel like WE are at the center.....
for example.... I got this work because I just so happened to leave my house at 11:05 and walk into the staff room at 12:01 because I forgot my lunch and had to go back into the house....etc....etc....
This is true. But at the same time....
I am not the center of the universe, there are a million other circumstances at hand and I am never the center of the universe....God is. GOD IS! GOD!!!!!

So although this morning I have been a little discouraged and when I feel down---it affects me...mind, body and soul....I literally just dwell on it but I do want to somehow "come around" by the end of this blog....I want to figure out how to look on the bright side of things...how to see the good in every situation...how to be thankful for the "1000 gifts" I have in my every day life...

I just wish I could figure out the formula to have everything work out perfectly (in my eyes)...but I am realizing more and more when I look from outside my selfish center of the universe eyes.... I really do find good.....
I just wish my faith would be bigger in these moments, but I am thankful for a Shepherd who leads, who holds and who is beside me....He is silent sometimes, but He is always there.

Oswald is one of my "go to" guys (along with CS Lewis and Soren K): 

“Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One who is leading.” 

― Oswald Chambers

my "elder" brother

I have an "elder" brother and I was just sitting here remembering when I was younger always wishing I had a big brother. One of my friends growing up had older brothers and although they teased her something fierce...I always knew that she would be protected and no matter what happened they would take care of her.
 My "elder" brother was the MOST amazing Camp Director I have ever worked with and through his leadership I have learned how to love and serve kids of all needs and backgrounds. (Ain't nobody who can do a jungle party like Uncle Jason!!!) I saw him make all my sister's dreams come true by being the man that she had waited for all her life. I became the "third wheel" on millions of road trips in every vehicle the paulino's owned (I so miss that white truck). And in my loneliest years...it was at their home that I felt the safest and most comfortable.

When I saw Jason holding Jonah (through a pic) and I couldn't imagine seeing him happier, except for when I saw him holding Levi last Christmas. I remember watching him in blue scrubs just watching his Levi under the bright lights in the hospital room and thinking about what a lucky little boy he was to have such great parents.

I have been so thankful to attend a church that I get to sit beside my sister's family every week. I feel lost when they aren't there, and feel so happy when I see them walk through the door (even if I had just seen them the night before). I am so thankful for FOUR godly men who have taken on the role of elders at our church, and I have prayed for them to feel love and support and to continue to be fully lead by Jesus. This has been a horrifically awkward and impossible situation to try to wade through emotions and disputes and disruptions in our church family, but I have been proud to watch and support my brother as he has done this with grace and steadfastness.

But one of the most important things my elder brother has done for me is to love the guy I love so much. Way back when I was confused about Danny.....it was ALWAYS Jay who believed that it would all work out in the end. When I brought Danny to meet Kris and Jay for the first time, I just knew that they were impressed and really liked him right away. But over the last (almost 2 years) I have seen Dan and Jay become friends. I am so unbelievably happy and grateful about that. And I am so happy that Dan chose Jay to be one of his groomsmen because Kris and Jay have both supported me and Dan from the very beginning with hours and hours of conversation, food and just being together.

Tonight I really felt like my "elder" brother really had my back. I felt like he really stood up for me and just took care of me (even though I wasn't even there) I just felt so happy to know that. I know things aren't always easy but I am so so so thankful for my brother Jay.

Meetings and more meetings-

The last few weeks have been filled with many many many kinds of meetings! Some were financial, some were marriage counseling, some were Church meetings and some were just plain ol wedding planning meetings...

I don't know about you but meetings can get really overwhelming...and leave me a little dried out! So last night me and Kristi had a girls night out on the town....which meant hitting up ardene (for new earings and scarves) and Winners and Walmart! Triple threat! It was so fun and just always feels nice to buy something little...honestly...our earrings were 5 for 10!!! HAH!

Anyways, I've been really remembering alot of people specifically this week and there has been alot of needs that can only be met by prayer. So many heavy things, dark things and painful things just overwhelm me and I sometimes just don't know what to do so I shut down and tune out. But I am trying to be really intentional this week to pray for people who come to mind and I know that there must be people doing the same for me! 

“Prayer does not fit us for the greater work; prayer is the greater work.”

― Oswald Chambers