10 Months In: Marriage Lessons Learned

I guess 10 months isn't truly a milestone for marriage, but I feel like talking about it so why not!!!

Sometimes this time of year reminds me of when Dan and I had `first contact`: basically I remember getting the (shortest) FB message of all time from Danny and thinking......YIKES!!!!`

It was April 1st, as a matter of fact. I just fact checked.

That was almost 3 years ago. But I can remember those first days so clearly. Man it was confusing, difficult, awkward, exciting, scary and fun all rolled into one, but SMOOTH....no. Not at all.

But fast forward to where we are today, and I can honestly say that I never.ever.ever. imagined life to be so good! I absolutely adore this guy. Life is not all roses and gushy feelings, but honestly for most of the time I actually DO feel those things. I wake up in the morning and wish he didn`t have to go to work. I feel a bit sad when I kiss him goodbye every day and when it starts getting closer to 4 pm I get more and more excited. I get a shot of adrenaline when he pulls into the yard at the end of the day. I miss him when he plays volleyball during the week and I still re read his texts all through the day when he (actually) sends them to me!!! (not so much anymore!)

But I have learned a million lessons. Mostly about myself through these 10 months. We have had more fights, discussions and emotional outbursts and I am not always so sure its ``normal``.

Sometimes I wonder, do other people struggle like we do?...am I the only wife that feels this way sometimes?

I try my best to love and serve my husband, but then something comes up and I just vent out all sorts of nonsense that I didn`t even know was inside....

But Dan has proven over and over to me that he truly is a kind, generous, patient, gentle and sweet man.

These are the words I would have described him when I first met him, but I have actually seen these traits proven over and over as time has gone on and I see them even more now, 10 months in.

These words are prayers I pray almost daily.....

*to be kind, patient and gentle*

I pray them as I drive to work, for my teaching
I pray them for my relationship to my husband, family, friends
I pray them as I walk and seek the Lord in my daily life

But I learn about them and see them acted out in Danny and I truly do find that I learn about God from him. 

Side Note: Marriage is such a gift. And from my terribly lonely years of being single, sometimes its hard to express how thankful, grateful and in awe of marriage I am because I realize how difficult it is to hear when you are in the midst of waiting for true love. So sometimes I don`t even want to share. I know I feel so unaware of a mother`s love for her child, or anything to do with motherhood when I am not at that stage, but I truly LOVE to read and learn about mothers and appreciate hearing this perspective....so I just wanted to share my heart about marriage and hope it won`t lead to disappointment or discouragement to other people who are waiting.

But here are some lessons I have learned about marriage:

• I am a highly sensitive person, my husband is not, but I can see him becoming more sensitive and in turn, I have the responsibility to consider my own emotional response and how it affects him...which I am doing, not as easily or quickly...but I often ask Dan if I`m getting better...and he will says...I am.(maybe, reluctantly....but even so)
• Putting God first is still my priority, but its so so so hard. It shouldn`t be. But what that looks like in our marriage is valuing spiritual development as a couple and as individuals. We have definitely grown in our desire for church and we really benefit from a great devotional book that we read together periodically...but I have great hopes for us to develop in this area! I am not as patient or content as Dan, but I love seeing him lead us onward and he is steady and faithful. And I know our family will benefit from those qualities. I love hearing him talk about God and I deeply respect his character and faith and love hearing him share his thoughts, especially now we are attending a small group together. We are talking a lot about Romans lately, and its great.
• We love screen time. We both gave up some aps and games and technological distractions for a week, and that resulted in more reading and gave us a nice break from our phones, but this is definitely a big part of our Time (especially in the winter) so as I contemplate what that means it makes me see the good and the bad....but we still need to develop more in this area.
• Serving each other is hard but also deeply satisfying. There are times I do a lot of the house maintenance, but there are other times I reach my breaking point and lose it on Dan...and what has resulted is him actively trying to do things to make my life easier...and seeing him serving and loving me this way only makes ME want to do it back for him. Its this circular thing of being resentful and not wanting to do things and watching him humbly serve me in his quiet way and then wanting to just love and serve him back. The key is to not even NEED that service in return...to give out of a genuine heart and that is something I struggle with and look forward to developing as a wife. And I also daily remind myself to be so thankful for all the things he does for ME! He works really hard every day, full time. He does so many things around our house, and is so handy and helpful. We both love relaxing, but we can get lots done too when we put our minds to it! 
• Food Preparation is a great way to love my man. I absolutely crave his affirmation after he takes his first bite. Its silly but I LOVE making him delish food and it still devastates me a bit when I make something that isn`t his favorite...but I am learning to toughen up...slowly. I am also learning that I have a HUGE role to make healthy food and provide snacks that are beneficial for us together. If I buy snacks and junk, we will eat snacks and junk. If I cut up carrots and celery and make them easy to grab, we will eat those instead. I know we both have a responsibility to make wise choices, but I`ve been pretty convicted lately to eat healthy...but we both truly do love yummy snacky foods! So this is a struggle!
• My marriage advice for the first 10 months would be to soak up the time. Take advantage of every free evening, every free weekend and moment and create so many wonderful memories of just the two of you as newlyweds. I just LOVE being married. I love all the little memories we make and I love being together. I know life will not always be like this, but I hope we will always find ways to create TIME for eachother. You realize your love languages alot, and I`m discovering that I need and want MOST!!! of the 5 Love Languages! They all work together, in my opinion.

Well there you have it, words from a wise 10 month old wife!!! Lol!!! 

Thoughts

I have a big family...(and even bigger now that I'm married I have a total of 2 real sisters, 2 real brothers and 4 sisters in law and 5 brothers in law).....so that's a total of 13 siblings. Um....yes. that is ALOT. I am seriously so thankful for having almost all  my siblings down the road from me...and really the furthest ones away are the Gards, "up west" in PEI  (1.5 hours) and the Grants in Fredericton (3 hours).
Recently, we started attending a small group with my littlest bro, Mike, again....(I say again, because he BRIEFLY attended the small group Kristi and Jason and I went to...but solely to meet and talk to Alyson, and promptly stopped going after they started dating!LOL and then last year we had a "siblings" small group on Mondays that was great too) and I have appreciated hearing him talk in a different setting. He's a book worm. He loves to read, like a nerd!! haha But because he reads so much I really trust him and appreciate his ideas, thoughts and opinions. I tease him too much when we are all together, but I think its really good for our friendship to go to small group together.

I was sitting here just thinking about....what is it that I am THINKING about these days. Alot of it has to do with a whole bunch of ideas and feelings that are convoluted and messy dealing with:
Church...missing our old one, adjusting to the new one
Romans...our small group has been going through it and we are currently on Chapter 14...dealing with Essential and Disputable Issues.
Friends...Amanda moved back, missing my Prairie friends, wishing I was close to Kristin as she just had her second little darlin, and named her Sophie...which is my favoritist girls name EVER!!!
Marriage...appreciating the season we are in, thankful for the time I get with Danny, wishing I was a more gracious, kind and serving wife to him
Home Renos...my back is hurting from painting the ceiling 2 days in a row....boo...my house stinks of paint/primer...but I'm STOKED to do the COLOR tomorrow!
Money... trying to budget better, save more and be wiser with the money we have

...but then after all those things filtered through, I started thinking about something my brother said at our small group on Monday "It takes a lifetime to build something and a second to destroy it"....maybe not a direct quote, but a direct thought. It made me think alot about the life I'm living. I am not patient. I don't like waiting. I wish things were done quickly and I rush when I do things. I find it hard to do monotonous things like filling holes in the wall or even PRIMING a wall..I want to get right to the good stuff...the color!!! But I'm learning to build something lasting takes ALOT of time...ALOT of effort...ALOT of patience. So all that to say is I think the good, the slow, the hard things are building a foundation of something very important. I am thankful that I have a place to start again in a church with people I like. I am thankful to be in a small group, that is by far not perfect or suiting my every need, but still good. I am thankful for friends near and far. I am thankful for the moments that people have taken to give me time. I am thinking of little visits that people have made. Time spent with me. Opening my home and having a place that is mine to invite people over. I am thankful for 3 pastors taking time to meet with me, Danny or both of us together this month. That means so much. I am thankful that this week without work meant that I will (hopefully) have one beautifully painted room by Saturday. And Money. grrr....I just want to be rich, but I am thankful for budgetting and hopes and plans and ways I can see we are getting better, more diligent and finding more ways to share and be generous with our few pennies we have.

March Break!!!

My plans for March Break are to:

• Paint this ugly room!!!

• Visit with the Fam Jam! Especially day visits to town with  Kristi, Jonah and Levi! I already got to babysit my littlest nephew William this morning!

•  Spend as much time as possible with this handsome fella! I appreciate this beautiful season we are in....first of all, Winter is a cozy time to be together inside, watching shows, making delish food, playing vids and even doing yoga sometimes! But also, I am so thankful for this season we get to be together. I just love coming home to him every night and knowing that besides a few activities that happen during the week (Small group, Volleyball/Basketball) Most nights we just have to be together. I love that.

Last weekend I was overjoyed to rediscover my old Xanga blog. I am telling you there was TONS of memories flowing through my brain and just re reading what I was doing/thinking about. I just missed so many of the people who had taken time to read and comment on my blog those years...it was seriously all the way back to 2004!!! That is INSANE! 10 years strong, baby! I have less readers then ever, but I don't mind so much. I think I write for myself, more than anything! 

Its such a great way to document life, its an edited life in some ways, but that's fine too! This blog is just one outlet of mine and I'm happy to have whoever reads it to know a little about me. 

There is so much more to me though, really! I wish I was the type to be brave and vulnerable, but I really don't find it necessary. I am thankful for a few people who hear my heart, and a handful of people who I can spend time with (mostly family, at this point!!) and beyond that I treasure the friends I have both near and far. I know life moves on, but I truly do treasure all those memories and reading xanga and looking at old pictures is just a little bitter sweet because I miss those friendships.

I may look through rose colored glasses, but I have thought a lot about those days at Prairie recently. Just being in a situation of focused study on God was amazing(whether it was a healthy bubble, or not... is not my point)  I truly loved the meetings, Bible studies, prayer times, classes, worship services, homework, Personal Position Papers, and just all the passion that I had devoted to studying and learning about God, the Bible, and Life as a Christian. I absolutely treasure Bible School, and even though the Student Loans are KILLING me almost a decade later, I know it was where I was supposed to build my foundation. I am so thankful I have been raised to cherish the Bible and I have so many friends who to this day love to read the Bible and participate in life with other Christians (whether that's in a church or school or home setting). I am thankful for friends who are currently all over the world serving Jesus. I am thankful for professors who ignited in me a passion that is still burning today. I am thankful for friends who loved to worship, study and pray together. 

Life is still great here. I love my life now. One word. Danny. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. But I still long to connect with Christians who really love God. I'm glad that some of my mentors and examples of faith are found in my own family and siblings. That is a blessing. 

All that rambling to say. I look back with love and look forward with love and I'm thankful in this moment for the love I am living. 

Why I Read

Lately, Dan and I have been reading together!
We were given a great devotional for our wedding from one of my Prairie friends (Ape King, as I like to call her, even though she's now married!) and also the book that this devo was written on, (from my other Prairie pal, Dee Daniels).
 
We just happened to be reading the one on Lent as this season is now here and I've been reading and thinking through the things in my life that take my and OUR time together. We both decided to choose 3 social media/games that we'd give up for a week (baby steps). It was really interesting and resulted in us both reading together more often then we ever did before! I loved it! I even snapped this adorable shot of Dan

So in the spirit of celebrating one of my favorite things in the world, I will give you a few books that are blessing me lately!

1. For Fun:

I am sad to report that I finished the whole series of HP this week. I started reading this series again before Christmas and even received book 7 from Dan (as it was the only one I didn't own) on Christmas Morning. I stand by the notion....books are better than movies...always!!!

2. For Devo/Alone Time/Journalling

I've already written a post on why this book blesses me (given by a Prairie Gal, Jamie!!!) and I'm definitely going to keep this as one that I perpetually read. It is a constant reminder of the ways I can love and serve my husband through prayer.

3. For Encouragement

I woke up earlier then Dan on Saturday morning and just LOVE making a coffee and snuggling down with a book in the quiet of a weekend morning! Knowing Dan is there next to me and I don't have to rush off to do anything....its one of my favorite things to do. I had just finished HP, so I looked around all my books trying to find another great read and was BLOWN away by this! I read 4 or 5 letters right in a row and highlighted TONS of great thoughts! I really do recommend this book! Its very pertinent to me right now. I am a HUGE CS fan. 

Fun Fact: My Christian heroes are Soren, CS Lewis and Tim Keller.

****A great study guide I will hold on to, in hopes of finding someone to do this with!!****

4. Bible

Our church has been studying Romans since September. So I try to pre-read the reading before church on Sunday or re-read it before small group to keep it fresh in my mind. Its been great to really go through the book together and to get a perspective of the WHOLE instead of picking and choosing a few favorite chapters or verses. Context always makes a huge difference and I will tell you that our small group has gone through some crazy rabbit trails spurred on by some of the verses in especially chapters 13 and 14. 

I started reading Hosea again as the new year started. I haven't finished it yet (5). 

And I decided for some of the mornings that I don't have time to really get through journalling/reading/praying/listening to a sermon/etc....or whatever falls on my heart that day, I would try to read a Psalm, haven't got too far yet (6).

5. Blogs

I have recently just expanded lots of my daily reads and don't really want to link up as there are lots that are good for different reasons. I'm more of a lurker. I used to really hate when people I didn't know read my blog, but fortunately I do not have that problem any more.....actually the complete opposite! But I did realize through my week off blogs that there is a potential for lots of time wasted perusing through the huge list I have now, and realized that I could do to delete a few that weren't really necessary or helpful. My favorite blogs are my friends. I love reading people I know's hearts. Even more then strangers. So thank you for blogging!!

So why do I read?

Well, first of all, because there just simply is SO MUCH TO read. The world is at my fingertips. I am literally a click away from reading about any and every topic I could ever want to know about using google. Second, my mind needs to be challenged, inspired and pushed on and reading does this for me. I collect books, and sitting on my shelves are resources for almost anything that could ever come up. I still want more. Books are my treasures.  Third, I know its a good hobby, a good use of my time and a good challenge for my brain. I love TV and Movies too, but I need the quiet of books to settle me. I don't really consider myself a book worm, although I admire that trait. My brother Mike and my Mom are addicted to reading, and I admire that in them so much. They know alot because they read alot. So I don't by any means put myself at their Olympic level of reading, but I do count reading as one of my joys in life. 

What do you read? What are you reading? What do you WANT to read?