Mom Life

Last year at this time, I found out I was going to be a Mom. The whole pregnancy, I was terrified about actual labour and delivery...the pain, the fear, the unknown. But even more so, I was terrified of being a Mom. That I would take this little soul home with me. What if I tripped and fell? What if I got depressed and lonely all day long home with just a baby? What if I just didn't know what to do? What if I was so exhausted that I started to drift away from Danny? What if I lost my cool...What if I just did something wrong?

(and those are the edited fears I am sharing)

Anyways, I'll never forget that moment that I saw Malachi for the first time. The first words out of my mouth were "I'm not scared any more. I'm ready to be a Mom".

Yup. I was unbelievably thankful, grateful and EXCITED beyond measure that my baby was healthy and had all his toes and fingers. I was so happy that the pain and torture was over and finally I could hold my baby (after waiting 2 long hours in recovery). I was just thrilled and happy. I couldn't sleep that night. 

And from that first moment...I knew my greatest joy in life (besides being  a wife) was to be this little guy's Mama.

Now, I was sharing to another new mom the other day...there is a whole new set of fears that come into play and I pray to God all the time for my little guy to be protected from harm, to be healthy and happy and to love Jesus. I want him to have the greatest life possible. and that unknown part is so hard to really surrender to Jesus. 

I was given an amazing book by my sweet friend Jamie!! (Power of a Praying Parent) and have already been blessed when I got married by another book from her (Power of a Praying Wife)...but the section I read the other day was all about "releasing your children to God" and had this wonderful verse as a support---1 Samuel 1: 27-28 "I asked the Lord to give me this child and He has given me my request. Now I am giving him to the Lord and He will belong to the Lord his whole life" and they worshiped the Lord there"---and I immediately went to my Bible to underline it and copied it out into the journal I'm writing for Malachi. I know this will be something I do over and over because I am already a very protective Mama bear. I want to be in control and make sure nothing bad happens to him or Danny and I to ensure that his life is the best he can possibly have. But in a letter I got from one of my best girls, Britt, she also reiterated for me to remember that Malachi belonged to God and that was something I would need to remember as I raise him...to constantly give him to Jesus. He belongs to a KING! and whatever may come, I know that God's will is far beyond anything I could create for him.  

All that to say, I am learning so much each day about sleep (Side note: Since that post about sleep, I've enjoyed many nights with long stretches and my baby is doing great in that department. I shouldn't have EVER doubted him!!!). I am learning about managing my life and also giving myself grace to not be super ambitious these days! I am learning about how my child is just changing minute by minute in front of my eyes! He's learned how to roll over, reach for toys, shake rattles, move blankets from his face, smile, laugh, play on his back, lift his head up high when he's on his tummy. He eats like a champ, sleeps like a little baby bear and is the sweetest cutest guy I ever met. 

And my Mama fears are still raging, yet I am learning more and more of how the Father loves. And how unique this relationship is and how blessed I am to experience it. I love this little boy so much that even right now I want to go wake him up for a snuggle (but I'll get one soon, so I'll wait!!).