A Happy Day

This week I didn't have many days booked, incidentally only Tuesday and Friday...But I managed to fill my in between days with some sunshiney fun and with some special people. Kristi, Levi and I headed across the bridge (Stratford, that is) and found some amaze deals at No Frills...which means that Danny gets to eat his favorite fruit this week!! GRAPES! Delish! It was so nice to have one of those days "in town" when I haven't had one in awhile with those two. I got to spend extra alone time with Levi when Kristi got her hair cut, walking around Toys R Us and he was a perfect gentleman. Not one tear or temper when we had to leave. And today I woke up and anxiously checked to see if I had got work, and noticed that one of Danny's cousins was having a crisis cuz they didn't have a babysitter for the day so I got to practice at being a Stay-At-Home-Mom today with his adorable three year old. I seriously did have the best day with him. I managed to pull out all my bags of tricks, and improvised with a few extra walks to Tims and SaveEasy to pass the time. I think he had a great day cuz when I told him his Mom was going to pick him up soon, he said "No fair!!". That was so sweet, and Danny got home a bit earlier today too so we both got to hang with him. I think my heart melts a little more everytime I see Dan with little kids. They adore him!!

So tonight we celebrated little bro, not to mention LAST night too!! And I'm here in my quiet little house, since Dan headed out to his Thursday basketballgame. And I almost squealed into town to spend some of the money that is burning a hole in my pocket, but I was so proud of myself for turning around and realizing I didn't need to do that.

You see, some of my sweet Prairie Pals announced this week that they were Debt-Free. And I know they are not the only ones. I have other inspirations and have many friends who are great with money and save well and give up extras to "live like no one else" (Dave Ramsey). I am proud of my own husband who made so many sacrifices years ago living in Manitoba and working at a Nickel mine. He has given me a life I know I would never of had on my own. He has blessed me with so many things...beyond even the blessings of companionship and love...I am reminded all the time when I look at our house and know that this home is a gift. We are blessed to have a place that is ours.  So this week has been a sobering one to realize that although we have made a few changes in our lifestyle, there is MUCH to be done to get to a place that I can shout from the rooftops that we are also DEBT free.

Tonight was just one little tiny win, but I'm glad I decided to turn around. I look forward to growing even stronger in our understanding of how to be financially wise and generous with our money in the days ahead.

May Update

This month went WAY.TOO.FAST. Holy smokes. I don't like life speeding by like this. I seriously feel like I just celebrated my wedding and already I'm here thinking about my FIRST ANNIVERSARY which is in 9 days. I can't believe what a year its been.

There has been some pretty big things happening in the past few weeks. I don't really totally unleash my  heart here on my little blog, but the truth is that I lost someone in our family this month. She was my Aunt, and I never knew her as she once was, but I have visited her as she was for my whole life. She is in Heaven now with my dear Grampie, Uncle Eldie and her own little boy that she never got to hold, Jesse. I can imagine them sitting up there in a row on a park bench as they did here on earth. I was looking through old pictures and noticed how close my Uncle Eldie loved sitting to my Grampie...always so snuggled up, and I can totally picture that happening up there. A lot to process, always.

I think death reminds us all of life. It made me realize what I have. I am so blessed in so many ways, and although life all too often gets me down in the dumps....I have so much.

I am reminded in this Spring...the second Spring of our life here at 46 Hilltop Drive. We closed on this house last April, and its been a full year of owning, renovating, and making it our home. It's not even CLOSE!!!! to being done, but its ours!!!

I am reminded when I realize how lucky I am that I live so close to my family. We have so many family get-to-gethers that sometimes it overwhelms us....we have 2 large families and most weekends are spent with one or the other...or on holidays...BOTH!!! I love having our nieces and nephews over, and although I never feel like I do enough...I am thankful and grateful for the connections I have with my siblings and all of my family.

I am reminded in the new hopes that spring out of the dark, hard year we had in 2013....2014 has been a much brighter and more pleasant all around. We have started to come out of our hole after a long winter of storms, watching FULL TV series (one after another....oops!!!) and snuggling inside. We are starting to attack the weeds in our lawn, and I feel so good about the progress and the 45 bags of compost that got HAULED away, PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

I am reminded in my most treasured and precious human relationship....Daniel Ryan. He is beyond what I ever imagined I would find. He loves me so much. And beyond that....I LOVE HIM so much back. After so many years of being single, the gift of loving and being loved is something that still blows me away. And we don't have it all together nor do we have a perfect relationship, but its absolutely perfect for us. He is there when I need him. He is there when I need a gentle word or a firm reminder...he doesn't baby me at all (although sometimes I kinda wish I could get an OUNCE more of sympathy out of him). He makes me stronger and better and I know that I am blessed to be called his wife.

So today I remind myself of these blessings. This GOOD. Even though today I felt emo and screwed up a bit in my subbing career by double booking (TWICE....in the span of 12 hours...which I've only done one other time in my 3 year career). When I screw up, I take it to heart. But truly...I know that life is more than that. I can wallow (a bit) but life needs to continue to move forward. I am so glad I have someone moving forward with me and reminding me of the GOOD to when I forget. I need him.

And in this season of Spring, I feel the desires to truly be rooted and firmly established in Jesus. I need HIM more then anything or anyone. And I long to have my heart fully satisfied in HIM. I try to think of theme verses for each month, and I have not yet claimed one for May, but I think I will choose to meditate on just those things I mentioned:

Colossians 2:6-7

New Living Translation (NLT)

6 And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. 7 Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

Dark Days

So today is the brightest Saturday morning. Sun is streaming in every window and doorway. We have our blinds up to the highest and our window just had fresh spring air blowing through here. My darlin husband has seriously been working hard all morning cleaning...and I mean DEEP CLEANING our bathrooms. I have been sitting here in our kitchen, reading Psalms and texting a sweet gal and thinking about some of the harder days.

I just read some beautiful, REAL and AUTHENTIC words from my emo/artist/kindred spirit David in Psalm 13....

How long will you forget me?

How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul...

with sorrow in my heart every day?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!

Restore the light to my eyes, or I will die.

And I can honestly say that the whole year of 2013 was one of the hardest and toughest years to struggle through. Yes, I was engaged. Yes, I was in love. But I was losing a church I loved. If you know me, church has always been a topic of my heart. Even back in high school, I chatted for hours with friends about the flaws and my hopes for what church "was intended to be". And in Bible school, I defended the "CHURCH" to all my friends filled with angst and bitterness of how the church had "hurt" them. Through my adult single years, I watched a church just utterly defeat our family. I watched my Mom and Dad be pummeled....thats the only way I can describe it...by people they had literally poured their hearts and souls into. I walked away from a church that had "loved and cared for me" from the age of 10 all through my teen age years and into my 20s. I left behind people I thought would be at my wedding. I thought it would be different then that. I reluctantly attended the "it" church that most of the people my age had been attending for the past few years. I left before the last song, and sat with my sister every week. I didn't connect, nor did I want to. After a few years, I joined a small group. I started to belong. I started to really get to know people, and it wasn't easy, but it was family. It took me a few more years, but God gave me a passion for Sunday School so I started to do that and loved every second. I started dating Danny, and we were scared for our "first Sunday sitting together"...but we attended this church all through our dating days and when we were engaged, it was announced from the front. We were loved and blessed by people who noticed us and celebrated with us at our wedding. 

But almost from the moment we were engaged, this church came between Danny and I. We fought, discussed and talked for hours about what was happening. And I don't want to rehash nor do I want to act like it didn't happen...because it did. It still affects me, but gratefully, I feel like I am healing. 

So after much prayer, discussion and watching what it was doing to US. We left our church. We started fresh in a new one. Its not easy nor is it perfect. But we can and we see that God is leading us and we want to be where God wants us.

All of this to say, DARK DAYS. It still creeps in on me. I still hate that I lost my church. I still feel bitterness and unforgiveness and anger. But God is so close to me that I can hardly even allow it to simmer before I pray and allow God to wash over me. I just ache to be filled with the Holy Spirit and allow all those good fruits to be in my heart...not the other ones (hostility, anger, divisions, bitterness...etc.)

All of this to say that this PSALM does not disregard those feelings. It does not say. Do not ever feel sorrow. Do not ever be negative.....but what it does say and the redemption of the Psalms is that although those feelings are acknowledged....almost all psalms end with a praise to God...such as this one:

But........

I TRUST IN YOUR UNFAILING LOVE

I WILL REJOICE BECAUSE YOU HAVE RESCUED ME

I WILL SING TO THE LORD

BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO ME

So this morning, as all those feelings washed over me. 

I was reminded again that God's unfailing LOVE has been with me. Through all the hard days in the past. Those HARD days of being single and watching your friends fall in love, plan weddings, start a family. Those HARD days of being in the middle of your church splitting. Those HARD days of trying to understand where our new loyalties lie as newlyweds even though we have our ties to our own families, we have forged a new one together.  

And today on this sunny bright spring day, in my clean house. Sitting with Indie Dance music playing loud and in the peace of being able to write and read my Bible. Knowing I am loved from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes by my best friend who is cleaning my shower....Knowing that I have so many blessings living here at 46 Hilltop Drive. Knowing that both of our families are close and we all love each other. Knowing that we have a church that we can start building new friendships and connections in, and knowing that my heart is still connected with my old church through prayers and making intentional connections.  I know that God has rescued me from dark days, and they will come again---no doubt...but HE HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO ME. I am so grateful for this reminder today.