A passion for something new

I have to say, that I never thought I'd become one of "Those" moms. Honestly, I wasn't sure I'd ever get married, and being a mom was something that I wasn't sure was in my plan. I have had a son for 3 months now. His little life is so intertwined with mine that the time apart we share is mostly when he sleeps...and in those moments I have to fill everything else that I used to do freely and easily. So the moments that he sleeps are precious to me, not just selfishly for my own time but because I know sleep is one of the most important things he can learn to do for his own health. 

 So a new passion of mine is talking about sleep. Its one of the first things I talk about to Danny when he gets home from work or when I send texts to him while he's gone or when I send texts to him while I am gone...

"is he asleep?" "how long has he been asleep" "He slept for 2 hours!!" "He hasn't slept longer than 45 minutes!" 

Honestly, I have opinions on this whole thing, and I know there is so much research out there and there are so many methods that "work". I have tried lots of things in the first 3 months, but deep in my heart I feel like he's still just a little baby and I'm trying not to be too concerned until the 4 month mark that most people say they start Sleep Training. Not to say its ever to early to establish great sleep habits, because I realize its my job to teach him all these new things. Its my joy to teach him how to play with his toys, roll over, hold his head up, and expose him to this big, wide world. So of course, I have to teach him how to "south soothe"...That's what I keep calling it! (side note: Just try saying self soothe fast...if you're like me, you'll slip up and say south soothe! ahem, that was just a really interesting "aside: lol) 

So, from the first few days of being home, we have tried to do the majority of his day time naps either in his bassinet or crib. There have been a few times that I have enjoyed holding him for a nap, but I know its important to me that he can have a good long nap on his own in his own bed. He sleeps really well on my trips to town and usually sleeps the whole time I shop. But just recently has struggled on our 3 hour trip to Fredericton, which ended up taking longer than 5 hours with all our stops! He has also started to stop his naps at exactly 45 minutes, the first sleep cycle, and if we get beyond that he can usually do pretty good.

My main goal these days are trying to teach him to soothe and get great naps in during the day to lead him to a great, long sleep at night.

*Basically my favorite pic ever of him sleeping*

 Am I succeeding? Not really. These days are some of the worst sleep days ever. When he was a newborn, I was thrilled with the amount of sleep I got through the night, and I can't remember really feeling frustrated during the day. Now, I pay attention to each minute he sleeps. And its getting hard to have the energy at night to pop out of bed to feed him when it happens 4 or 5 times instead of 2 or 3. I know that many babies his age are sleeping through the night, and I'm unsure of how to really pursue that because I also want to be there for him if he needs me in the night. I guess I'm a big softy, as is his Daddy. We both do not enjoy his crying. We basically can last 5 or 10 minutes until our hearts break into a million pieces and we rush in to pick him up. My motherly instinct battles between soothing him and letting him cry to learn how to soothe himself. I don't like Cry It Out one bit. I hate thinking he's wondering where I am and why I am not snuggling him. 

So, I'm left with wishing and praying that a miracle will happen and all of a sudden he'll just start napping for three 1.5 naps during the day and sleep 12 hours at night. That would be my ideal schedule. But I'm not willing to let him cry it out yet. So this means I`m dealing with trying to toughen up inside and having anywhere from 4-6 naps until he settles for the night and 2-3 feedings at night. This really depresses me to even write it out. But maybe this will motivate me! 

My poor sister has been a faithful friend to me and has listened to me jabber on and on about Malachi`s naps, rejoiced with me when he sleeps longer than 45 and sent me lots of advice. Hopefully, I can write an update in a month of a little boy who has mastered sleep. If not, I`m always on the hunt for methods that match up with my heart...and if or when those methods fail...I may have to do...cry it out...(tears for all!). 

*This is him right now!*