Sundays

(I am struggling with figuring out how to handle transition, and somedays I am just upset and angry and annoyed at "church stuff" so this blog entry isn't the response my heart always has, but deep inside I know this is how God wants me to feel about the church He loves, so I know that this is just a piece of my heart and its just a part of the puzzle of how I really feel about the church)

For mostly my whole life, I have cared about the "CHURCH"...not just my local church or the people I see every Sunday for an hour or so, but for the whole global church family and all the hearts that are connected. Its been on my heart pretty heavy since I got home from Japan back in 2008, and we have been blessed to be part of a church that is just up the street.

We have ALSO been in transition as our pastors have moved on and we are left/blessed with elders who have served and given their time, effort and prayers to continue leading a flock that has dwindled in size and sometimes even in our resolve. But we meet on...We had a beautiful Christmas Eve service with the best version of The Little Drummer Boy I have ever heard...it was lovely, peaceful and I was surrounded by my family and Dan's. I am so thankful to go to a church that every week I sit beside my sister's family, I see Dan's mom on the projector, I see Dan's Dad greeting everyone with hugs, I hear my brother Jason preach, I get to teach my nephew in Sunday School....and the connections I am building--- I miss when I am not there.

Like yesterday, things just did not align for me and Dan to make it out to church, and this was the first one we missed together since we have dated.

I love waking up on Sundays. Its so peaceful in my house, and usually I am up for about an hour before I even have to get ready (although Dan would probably prefer I get ready a BIT earlier as he's usually patiently waiting for me by my door to do "one more thing"). I love that he picks me up for church.  We have a quiet drive there and then we get to walk hand in hand through the doors. Every Sunday (without fail) we get teased by Joe for being late. We walk past familiar faces, and are usually pulled into one or two hugs before we get to our seat. I greet my nephews with hugs or kisses, and look to the front and depending on how late we are...and start singing or look around to see who all is there. My eyes are always drawn to the door to see who will arrive next...and I love looking around and smiling and waving at the people I see each week. Sometimes I feel sad when I don't see faces and sometimes I am surprised when I see an old friend or acquaintance. Our church is very informal, so I usually just get up from where I am sitting to greet whoever it is right then and there... I don't have to wait till "shaking hands time"(this is probably disturbing...but it is just the way we are...hugging is very important I have learned over the years, to our church)

We are far from being put together. We are filled with servants. We are filled with people who are hurt. We are filled with sincerity and we are filled with pain. We have groups and cliques, but we are also a typical dysfunctional family. You can't talk bad about us, even if we echo the exact same feelings...we are family, and we will defend the FAMILY!

It is so hard to be in community. Community is always harder than solitude for me. I always feel so close to Jesus in my personal devotions or prayer, but the moment I interact with HIS sheep...they bug me and annoy me sooo much that I forget whatever lesson I was just meditating on when I was alone! Its all part of growing.

I love Sundays and when I miss church, I miss seeing everyone. I love listening to sermons online, reading my own devotions and Scripture, I love learning on my own, but I do need the "family time" on Sunday mornings and its important to me. This is so important to me to remember even as we are struggling to understand what is happening "next" at our church. Something is happening now!

We are together now, and this is crucial for us to be encouraging and loving each other in the NOW as we wait for tomorrow to unfold.