10 Months In: Marriage Lessons Learned

I guess 10 months isn't truly a milestone for marriage, but I feel like talking about it so why not!!!

Sometimes this time of year reminds me of when Dan and I had `first contact`: basically I remember getting the (shortest) FB message of all time from Danny and thinking......YIKES!!!!`

It was April 1st, as a matter of fact. I just fact checked.

That was almost 3 years ago. But I can remember those first days so clearly. Man it was confusing, difficult, awkward, exciting, scary and fun all rolled into one, but SMOOTH....no. Not at all.

But fast forward to where we are today, and I can honestly say that I never.ever.ever. imagined life to be so good! I absolutely adore this guy. Life is not all roses and gushy feelings, but honestly for most of the time I actually DO feel those things. I wake up in the morning and wish he didn`t have to go to work. I feel a bit sad when I kiss him goodbye every day and when it starts getting closer to 4 pm I get more and more excited. I get a shot of adrenaline when he pulls into the yard at the end of the day. I miss him when he plays volleyball during the week and I still re read his texts all through the day when he (actually) sends them to me!!! (not so much anymore!)

But I have learned a million lessons. Mostly about myself through these 10 months. We have had more fights, discussions and emotional outbursts and I am not always so sure its ``normal``.

Sometimes I wonder, do other people struggle like we do?...am I the only wife that feels this way sometimes?

I try my best to love and serve my husband, but then something comes up and I just vent out all sorts of nonsense that I didn`t even know was inside....

But Dan has proven over and over to me that he truly is a kind, generous, patient, gentle and sweet man.

These are the words I would have described him when I first met him, but I have actually seen these traits proven over and over as time has gone on and I see them even more now, 10 months in.

These words are prayers I pray almost daily.....

*to be kind, patient and gentle*

I pray them as I drive to work, for my teaching
I pray them for my relationship to my husband, family, friends
I pray them as I walk and seek the Lord in my daily life

But I learn about them and see them acted out in Danny and I truly do find that I learn about God from him. 

Side Note: Marriage is such a gift. And from my terribly lonely years of being single, sometimes its hard to express how thankful, grateful and in awe of marriage I am because I realize how difficult it is to hear when you are in the midst of waiting for true love. So sometimes I don`t even want to share. I know I feel so unaware of a mother`s love for her child, or anything to do with motherhood when I am not at that stage, but I truly LOVE to read and learn about mothers and appreciate hearing this perspective....so I just wanted to share my heart about marriage and hope it won`t lead to disappointment or discouragement to other people who are waiting.

But here are some lessons I have learned about marriage:

• I am a highly sensitive person, my husband is not, but I can see him becoming more sensitive and in turn, I have the responsibility to consider my own emotional response and how it affects him...which I am doing, not as easily or quickly...but I often ask Dan if I`m getting better...and he will says...I am.(maybe, reluctantly....but even so)
• Putting God first is still my priority, but its so so so hard. It shouldn`t be. But what that looks like in our marriage is valuing spiritual development as a couple and as individuals. We have definitely grown in our desire for church and we really benefit from a great devotional book that we read together periodically...but I have great hopes for us to develop in this area! I am not as patient or content as Dan, but I love seeing him lead us onward and he is steady and faithful. And I know our family will benefit from those qualities. I love hearing him talk about God and I deeply respect his character and faith and love hearing him share his thoughts, especially now we are attending a small group together. We are talking a lot about Romans lately, and its great.
• We love screen time. We both gave up some aps and games and technological distractions for a week, and that resulted in more reading and gave us a nice break from our phones, but this is definitely a big part of our Time (especially in the winter) so as I contemplate what that means it makes me see the good and the bad....but we still need to develop more in this area.
• Serving each other is hard but also deeply satisfying. There are times I do a lot of the house maintenance, but there are other times I reach my breaking point and lose it on Dan...and what has resulted is him actively trying to do things to make my life easier...and seeing him serving and loving me this way only makes ME want to do it back for him. Its this circular thing of being resentful and not wanting to do things and watching him humbly serve me in his quiet way and then wanting to just love and serve him back. The key is to not even NEED that service in return...to give out of a genuine heart and that is something I struggle with and look forward to developing as a wife. And I also daily remind myself to be so thankful for all the things he does for ME! He works really hard every day, full time. He does so many things around our house, and is so handy and helpful. We both love relaxing, but we can get lots done too when we put our minds to it! 
• Food Preparation is a great way to love my man. I absolutely crave his affirmation after he takes his first bite. Its silly but I LOVE making him delish food and it still devastates me a bit when I make something that isn`t his favorite...but I am learning to toughen up...slowly. I am also learning that I have a HUGE role to make healthy food and provide snacks that are beneficial for us together. If I buy snacks and junk, we will eat snacks and junk. If I cut up carrots and celery and make them easy to grab, we will eat those instead. I know we both have a responsibility to make wise choices, but I`ve been pretty convicted lately to eat healthy...but we both truly do love yummy snacky foods! So this is a struggle!
• My marriage advice for the first 10 months would be to soak up the time. Take advantage of every free evening, every free weekend and moment and create so many wonderful memories of just the two of you as newlyweds. I just LOVE being married. I love all the little memories we make and I love being together. I know life will not always be like this, but I hope we will always find ways to create TIME for eachother. You realize your love languages alot, and I`m discovering that I need and want MOST!!! of the 5 Love Languages! They all work together, in my opinion.

Well there you have it, words from a wise 10 month old wife!!! Lol!!!