Thankful

Recently I have been realizing that I have a great number of people that are supporting me and being listening ears to me as I raise Malachi. There are so many things to worry about and so many different ways of doing things. I try so hard to not do the Mommy Wars deadly comparison games...but its very hard to not try to measure up to the other Mamas in my life (real or even the ones I read about online). There are all different kinds and I love finding the things I want to be like in them...and sometimes I just simply admire people for NOT being like me.

I am thankful for the prayers that are supporting me for when I get scared and anxious. One of my favorite parts of the day (besides reading books before bed) is the seconds right before I put Malachi down in his crib at night. I always pray out loud and he usually is wiggling or laughing at my voice...I love looking down at him and knowing God's hand is on him already. The joy and love that is in that little tiny 9 month old body astounds me. The rolls and wiggles and laughs that come out of him all through the day fill my heart. The way that he anticipates and loves all the new things he experiences each day, whether it is being carried from his room to the kitchen and coming around the corner to seeing.....HIS DADDY---and then squealing with delight...or piling him up into the car and watching how happy he is to look around all the stores I take him to. So thankful for a sweety that loves doing new things with me. My favorite thing lately is using my Ergo carrier when we walk around stores. I love having him snuggled to me. Its the best.

I love watching Danny and Malachi enjoy life together. I have learned so much from watching Danny with him. Danny loves getting down on the floor and playing with Malachi. They are hilarious together. And honestly, there is NOTHING that thrills Malachi like seeing his Daddy. He vibrates with excitement. Its so precious. I am so thankful to have a partner like him and look forward to seeing how him and Malachi grow closer through the years ahead.

So thankful this Thanksgiving for the blessings that are in my home. My two favorite people to share my life with. A warm house and warm sweaters and slippers and warm drinks. So many wonderful Mamas in my life to share and grow together with. A church that is starting to feel like home. Family only minutes away in every direction. Crisp Fall air. Bright colors. So much to be grateful for.

9 Months of Malachi Jude

Dear Little Malachi Jude:

Wow. When I look at these pictures I am amazed that I spend every day with you and still feel like I discover new ways to love you. I still love seeing you when you wake up. I still am amazed at your beautiful, sweet personality. Your smiles, your laugh, and your joy. My heart still breaks when I hear you cry and I want to do anything I can to make it stop. I am amazed that you love sleeping. I am amazed that you love eating. I am so proud of how you smile at everyone who talks to you and that you already show God's love. I pray for you every night to love Jesus. I pray for your health and for you to be a light in this world. I want to protect you and keep you safe, and I sing to you that "God is so Good" "Jesus loves you" and "Oh how He loves you". I pray that those words sink into the depths of your heart. You love being around other little friends. You love crawling and being independent. Nothing thrills you more than seeing your Dada. You bring so much love and light to our home. We know that you are God's gift to us and we want to be the best parents for you. Thank you for 9 months of pure love and joy. You are our sunbeam. We love you so much. 

Love Mama and Dada

September Fresh

I can't believe its September! I love the newness of a new season...but I am so not ready to pack away my bathing suit and shorts. I want to squeeze one last swim in...but every year I never truly know when that will be...only to discover later in September that it had already come and gone without me noticing....but my bathing suit is sitting on top of my dresser believing that one last swim is still coming!

For the last 4 Septembers, I've had a panic...putting my phone on its highest ringer, printing off new business cards, feeling the guilt if I'm not driving around selling myself at schools, feeling the guilt if I get another day off to celebrate vacation because it means one less day of pay...Last year I was worried I'd be too large to comfortably sub...which wasn't the case,thank goodness.

This year, I breathe a prayer of thankfulness every single morning that I open the door to Malachi's room and see him happily (or hungrily) rolling around. I open his curtains and say Good Morning! I love getting a snuggle from him, although he's usually straining to look around or wiggle out of my arms...especially when we head to the change table. He has 5 little teeth popping out so he's not always the most cheerful, but he is ALWAYS pleased to see his Daddy in the morning before work. He's slept in a few days, but today was one that his ears perked up to Daddy's alarm so he got to see him.

Being a Mama...I can't even believe this is my role and privilege to take care of such a sweet blessing. He truly is such a gift to us. We have always been blessed by a good sleeper and after working through the nursing problems, we have settled into a easy routine of eating, playing and napping. He is thrilled by everything...whether its the wind blowing through the trees, the cars on the street while we go for walks, looking around at stores, playing on the grass with his friends. I'm so thankful for this little guy.

I truly do love teaching, and I will miss being Mrs. Stretch this year, and not sure when I will return, to be honest, but I pray that someday I will get the chance to be in the classroom. But as long as we can do it, I am beyond happy to stay home and raise Malachi.

I want to be just like You

There was a rad song that was called just that. Take a listen if you please. Don`t be surprised if a few tears fall though.

Lately I have been thinking of the people that I have been inspired by. Some of them are in my family. Some of them are friends that I haven`t seen since my wedding day. Some of them are friends that I haven`t seen for much longer than that. And some are people I`ve never met.


This is one of the things that inspire me.
Generosity.
I have modeled my giving around different examples in my life. When I was a little girl, I clearly remember getting a loonie for my allowance and being STRONGLY advised/forced to give a dime to Jesus on Sunday. Some may think....that is cruel to instill TITHING to a little girl...it should come from the heart...but believe me, now it does. I love giving to Jesus. I don't do it as faithfully as I should but I love doing it. I love finding people and opportunities that God puts on my heart to give to. I love being around my generous friends and seeing the gaps and holes in my own selfishness that I need to grow towards selflessness in. I am the most easily influenced person, so it is with great joy that I have friends/family that model the traits I so want to show. I have people that have sent packages filled with thoughtful things for me out of the blue, I have people who have provided meals for me (especially when Malachi was born, I'll never EVER forget how kind people were to us), I remember when I was raising support for missions trips I got generous donations anonymously and privately from people I love who didn't want glory but just wanted to help out, I remember getting letters in the mail when I was at Bible college filled with ten dollars, twenty dollars and one time FIFTY dollars or more. It feels good when someone buys you a coffee or drops off flowers for no reason. It touches peoples lives to give to missions, missionaries, and support those in need. It changes you to be kind and generous. This is a trait I long for and pray Malachi will find joy in giving to others. I was reading this article today, and it was probably what prompted me to write this in hind sight...but it is so easy to give (for me) and much harder to receive...I love the rush and feeling that you have blessed someone and now I can see those things are important for me to receive....just like the author says:

"I didn’t want him to think I needed anything in return. Then I realized he wanted to experience what I was experiencing. He wanted to see me smile and receive in gratitude. He wanted to give.

By giving, I made him smile, and by receiving I gave him dignity that lifted both of our spirits."

What a perfect way of spreading love, by watching and learning from others and passing on the blessing. It sure has worked for me. 

I'm so grateful that God has drawn me towards beautiful people with all sorts of traits that I admire. I am married to a man who is so different than I am but I am drawn to so many things in him that I want to be like. It is a big responsibility to model and live an example for our little boy. If I model impatience, anger, bitterness and resentment...why wouldn't he model that in his friendships and interactions. I pray that he will see the Lord despite my failings and learn from a young age that the Holy Spirit brings fruit of 

Love

Joy

Peace

Patience

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self Control

And this brings me to my conclusion, 

I want to be like that. Thank you Holy Spirit. 

6 months old

Well, my baby  boy is 6 months old today.
Currently: Sleeping on his belly with his bum in the air, like a cuty

I thought yesterday was the 26th so I posted this pic a little early on insta:

Wow. I can't believe 6 months ago at this time I was getting ready for the most uncomfortable yet BEST day of my life. I was not prepared for this at all, yet as soon as I saw this little face I knew that I was ready to be a Mama. Every day is a little the same and a little different, because he is changing and growing. 

When he was younger, I could put him back to bed almost as soon as he woke up in the early mornings...but now we wake up when Danny gets up so Malachi can get a little time staring and smiling at his Daddy before he goes to work. He is seriously ALL EYES for Danny. 

When he was younger, I hated and dreaded the 3 hour mark, knowing I needed to feed him, but pumping myself with pain killers to get through the torture...but now he eats for a few minutes and it doesn't hurt me at all. He is also learning to eat real food like:

When he was younger, he rotated between hanging out in his rocker and play mat on his back...but now he plays on his tummy, in his exersaucer, in the hammock, on our bed, on the floor, on the couch!!

When he was younger, he cried quite a bit before each nap...but now he rolls around in his crib, talks VERY loudly, sucks his thumb and eventually rolls on his side or belly and has GREAT naps at least 2 or 3 times a day (once 4!!!).

When he was younger, he could fall asleep on our shoulders watching loud movies...but  now he LOVES sneaking glances at the TV, we try to not let him watch but he is mesmerized when he gets to.

When he was younger, he would have so many naps and wake up so consistently ever 3 hours that we spent alot more time with him in the evening...but now he goes to bed for the night at around 6 or 7 and some days sleeps right through...if he DOES get up its only once or twice now and he is so great to go right back to sleep (or talk contentedly to himself till he drifts off).

When he was younger, I always felt like I had such a narrow window to do anything...but now I feel like he adapts so well to going out and about...to church...to get groceries...on play dates...he loves looking around at new things, and when I get him back home cuddled in his bed sometimes it takes him forever to fall asleep but other times he just goes right to sleep....but no more PANICKY screams and inconsolable tears...he does such a great job at being patient until the 2 seconds right before he gets to eat...thats when the panic sets in.

I still feel excited every time I walk in his room to see him after he sleeps. He always smiles and does so many adorable things in his crib. I love looking down at him and knowing he knows me. I love hanging out with him all day, but my very favorite time of the day is when Danny walks in and we get to love Malachi together.

I am so so so THANKFUL for this little darlin and look forward to going in very soon to see his smiley face.

The Best Part of Me

Two fun, exciting, emotional, wonderful, cozy, special and AMAZING years of being married together.

We have been together for 4 whole years. WOW. I just never knew this could happen to me! It still amazes me that I am actually in LOVE...and now when I hold my baby---that our LOVE made Malachi. Unbelievable. 

I won't go on and on about how much I love Danny...because then it would be no different than any other day! Lol. But I do love remembering the day we said YES. The day we said I DO. The day we told our family and friends that we are sticking together through better and worse. We stood outside with the lovely sun shining on us and the ocean breeze flowing through the rows of people we love. We decided to love and commit and CHOOSE each other and I'll never forget that day. 

Dan is not a perfect guy, but he is the perfect husband for me. 

He has softened some of my rough, jagged edges. He has spoken truth to me, like no other person ever has or will. He knows me so well. He can explain things about me that I never even knew existed. He actually thinks I`m a babe. He loves me so much and gives me so much joy that I can hardly contain it sometimes. He really truly is the best part about me. And looking down at sweet Malachi`s face, reminds me of what a treasure it is to hold a piece of both of us. Malachi`s face and who he is and will become----started because two people fell in love. 

So today, I`m just walking around in la-la land...waiting for my bestie to walk through the door, so the best part of my day can happen. HOME.

Thoughts on Parenting, from a Newb

I haven't overloaded on researching on parenting as much as one may assume I would, or should. I have a stack of parenting books though, does that count? I read a broad range of blogs, and recently I have been inspired by a few of the parenting ones  I have found. So, mostly for my own sake, I want to write a few thoughts on the ones that I've liked.

First, Slow Parenting. 

In my experience as a teacher, nanny, babysitter, aunt, and Sunday School teacher, etc...I can say I am guilty of "rushing". There just never is enough time, and honestly, little kids are slow. They are never as fast as adults in walking, eating, coloring, running, etc... So this article spoke to me. I even teared up at a few spots. My favorite lines were: 

“We don’t overschedule ourselves. My husband and I spend lots of time at home. My kids dig in the dirt and ride bikes, we blow bubbles and go to the beach,” says [Lindsay Miller, a mother of three boys, ages 2, 4, and 7]…

• I so badly want this to be how Malachi grows up. I think it will be very hard not to want to enroll him in every activity because honestly, I know it will be fun. I think it will be wonderful to watch him play sports, listen to him play music, let him explore art, and whatever else kids enjoy these days. But this is my lens, I love being home. The best part of my day is being home with Danny and Malachi. Danny recently reminded me that sometimes quality time will look like cheering on Malachi (or even now, cheering on Danny!!) from the sidelines. It will be important to show up---to be there for him. But I do love thinking about playing here at home. To appreciate our yard, our neighbourhood, and even our little home! I love being in Malachi's room with him and he is enthralled with looking around it!

Second, Empowering Children,

I found even more great articles in her links, but I will talk about this article. I've talked about this alot with Danny and Kristi recently. I want Malachi to know and earn and deserve our trust. This article was geared more for teenagers, but it can start so young. I want Malachi to trust himself and be confident in himself. So many of my prayers for him already are to be a good friend and to stand up for good things. 

My favorite lines were:

 "We could make a few bad decisions with our independence because their reasoning was that it was better to fail while they were there to help pick up the pieces than to send us out into the world for the first shot at failure.

Those years at home are practice for an independent life after home."

• Danny has already taught me this so many times in the way I parent and work with kids. The first time he reminded me of this, we were babysitting Levi and Jonah, and Levi was just a little fella but he really wanted to help carry the Lego up the stairs...I stepped in when I saw him struggling and took the box away from him and carried it the rest of the way for him. Later Danny brought it up and gently told me that Levi was doing fine and he hadn't asked for help, and that Danny was there behind him if he did need it. That never left me and reminds me that so many things we do as adults really shape the way children view themselves. And coming from an insecure gal, I want to do my best to raise kids that are strong and confident and trust themselves...and when they fail to know that we are behind them to "pick up the pieces". 

Last, another Sarah Bessey goodie: Guard Your Gates

So, scary things are going to be part of Malachi's life. This fact causes me to have anxiety already. I have had prayer sessions already calling out and pleading to God to guard him from harm, sickness, abuse, etc... I don't want even one bad thing to happen to him. I don't want him to be scared or lonely or worried. Ugh. This is the part of parenting that causes so much fear for me, and without God's peace---I can't imagine how I would ever handle it. I am so thankful for the reminder of building strong children and knowing that God is in control. When...unfortunately, not IF---When bad things happen to Malachi, I pray that he will find rest and strength in Jesus. I already sing to him `God is so Good`

because quite frankly, this world is NOT good. 

My favorite lines were:

"You need to guard your gates, baby. If you guard your gates, then nothing will come into your mind and heart that you don’t want in there.

You want to open your gate up to the good things, sweetheart. You open your heart and your mind up to the things that make you laugh or make you good or make you think."

After reading this article, I really loved the phrase she mentioned in the first part and made a little visual out of it for a reminder for me to teach this in my home too.